I'm stuck.

It’s just a game. A game you put your heart and soul into. A game you can picture when it’s finished. A game that you wish to finish, and have the urge to just put all your effort into. You can imagine the destination of your journey. But when you actually sit down to work on it, you stare. You stare, and find yourself with the inability to act. You cannot work, you cannot progress. You’re stuck. You’ve done this for years. You worked on this same thing for four years, and you cannot work anymore. That is how I am with Gemsinger.

This is a game I really want to make. I can’t wait to see it finished. I can’t wait to play the full game. I love playing what I have so far. I love experiencing what I’ve done. It’s amazing to walk through Telrain, and be proud of your map. It’s awe-inspiring to get into battle and choose from the variety of spells your characters have. It’s nostalgic to look over some of my greatest scenes that I’ve made, such as Mirime’s scene, as well as Miresa awakening.

I love Gemsinger Chronicles. I remember when I first started working on this, I didn’t know much about it. But that didn’t stop me. I took what I knew, and made something out of it, despite the fact that the game was absolutely terrible. It was my second attempt at an RPG Maker VX game, and I didn’t know that much about RPG Maker anyway.

After a while, I went through many new Gemsinger drafts, bringing along new technique and skill, and passion. Gemsinger Chronicles X had a lot of it. Gemsinger Chronicles R did as well. But here I am, 4 years later, and I’m stuck.

I’ve been stuck for about 2 years. Ever since I got a bit far into Gemsinger Chronicles R, my motivation to work on these games has diminished. It’s no question that I started Gemsinger Chronicles R in 2010, and ended it in 2012. That’s two years. That’s enough to make three, full, in-depth RPG Maker VX games, assuming you work on it frequently.

I only got three chapters in. The reason? I only worked on it when I had motivation, which only game a few times every few months. Basically, I only worked once in a blue moon. Most of the time I spent “Working” was just staring.

Staring, the abysmal and frustrating feeling. You’re inable to work. You cannot progress in your game. All you can do is stare and imagine.

RPG Maker VX Ace came out March 2012, and I started working on Gemsinger Chronicles Ace. I didn’t make much progress, but in the 6 months that I did, I managed to get a bit into Chapter 1.

I was considering scrapping the project completely, but then I met join.me. Join.me is a miracle worker, which allowed me to Co-Op with SparklingBlue in order to progress in the game. We worked together. She gave me the lines, the ideas, and I made them. I made it possible. The Join.me’s inspired me to start working again. And for a few months, the effect continued, I was able to work and work. I got all the way to Chapter 3. I made so much progress in a few months, that if I had actually been working hard for the amount of time that I did since March 2012, Gemsinger would be done.

To put it simple, I have no excuse for not finishing this game. I have no excuse for only being on Chapter 3. The only “Excuse” I could come up with, is that I have absolutely no motivation for working on this game.

Part of me thinks I should just give up, but the majority of me is against it. I love Shokiyu. I love Gemsinger. I really, really love this world, this creation, this idea, this game. Sometimes, when I need inspiration, I play what I have done. To put it simply, I want to finish this game really, really badly. I want to put all my effort into it. I want to enjoy my experience. I want to have fun with SparklingBlue as we create a visual and playable world together in this miracle program, that is called RPG Maker VX Ace. I have no plans to stop Shokiyu. I’m going to keep going, even if it is slow.

The problem is, I just cannot work. I cannot get myself to do anything in this game anymore. What am I missing? Have I really just gotten this tired of RPG Maker? I mean it HAS been 4 years after all. But how sad, that all I can do is dream of a game that I can’t even put the effort into making. Some say it’s the journey, and not the destination. But for me, it seems all I focus is on the destination. What do I do? I’m not sure, but what I do know is, I don't want to give up.

I needed to vent, to rant, or whatever you call it. It’s weird for me to be getting all emotional about this, but after talking to a close friend about his troubles with game creating (he’s at this massive block as well), I’ve been inspired to post my feelings on the matter, and why there hasn’t been much Gemsinger updates. It’s extremely difficult to continue to work on something for a long period of time. It’s something that most game makers, I would assume, go through.

So that was my mini, er, long rant about how I can’t really work on Gemsinger as much. I need motivation… but just what am I missing?

My Current Gemsinger To-Do List

I don't often update this blog as much, since the birth of the Gemsinger deviantart group, but I thought I'd might as well post what I'm currently working on in Gemsinger Chronicles:

• Make the watchpost event
• Add NPCs to Selance (and castle)
• Finish the Selance Magic Shop
• Add new enemies to the Forest of Dawn
• Finish Neras
• Make the lighthouse
• Make the magic guild
• Finish Kythria
• Make Ability Symbols
• Create the Ice Challenge Dungeon
• Make enemies in the Water Shrine
• Add enemies to the Glace Forest
• Finish Seppen
• Finish Kinuli
• Touch up on overall maps
• Add new spells
• Finish the fishing minigame
• Make new sidequests
• Add items to the shops
• Create new accessories
• Create new items
• Create battle items
• Finish Selance

So, as you can see, I've still got a lot to do left before a demo is ready. I'll update you on progress as time goes on.